Day 128, our little cabin
Hiked 19 miles
Cozy morning in my tent with the rain fly off. Sounds of the boys packing up, happy knowing I had time to keep warm and snug in my bag. Hiked out by 7am and realized quick off my period was back. Cramps. My hip belt made them feel even worse. Pain. Stopping to shit 3 times before 10 miles were even done. Being a female hiker has it’s down sides.
The actual walking was easy today, but with my cramps and the heat, I felt pretty tired. The first thing I grabbed from the gas station at the road I hitched in on was an ice cream and I loved it. Plopped my butt down on the porch next to the piles of wood for sale and savored every bite. Funny the places I deem acceptable to sit when I’m a hiker verses when I’m a townie.
Got a hitch into West Yellowstone with Bud and snagged a massive burrito from a food truck and set to eating it while lounging in park. Happy Go Lucky, Goddess, and Ontario were getting ready to hike out of town and told us that there was a place with a cabin for only 120 bucks like two blocks from the park. Yes please. It’s perfect. 3 beds. 3 rooms. Porch. Cheap. Split 5 ways. Me, Beats, Tex, Bud, and this guy Kaleidoscope are spliting the price. It’s the best little cabin. Especially good because I thought we were going to stelth camp somewhere in the woods because hotels were stupid expensive.
Day 129, west yellowstone
Zero in West Yellowstone
An exceptionally restful zero day in which we hunkered down in the cabin for the majority of the day. I successfully napped twice and ate my fair share.
I love beds and showers and naps and food when I’m on my period and my insides are falling out.
I also love how easy it can be to convince other hikers that they want to zero, too.
Day 130, back to the cabin
Nero out of West Yellowstone
I said good bye to Beats and Tex today and it made me feel quite sad. I’d love to be at the border with them, Beats especially, after having hiked so much together. But now, with my schedule not lining up with theirs, that is not going to happen. It almost feels tragic. The boys are sticking to the Red Line (the official CDT route that follows the Idaho/Montana border and loops back around towards Butte, Mt.). I can’t stick to the red line and finish the hike before work starts. I just don’t have the time, so I’ve known for the past month that I’d have to take an alternate from West Yellowstone, that this day would come.
I was slow to roll out today. Even as I woke and packed, I literally had no idea what route I was going to take. I could not for the life of me settle into a plan.
Go red line and hitch the fire closure and then take the Anaconda cutoff…guaranteed I’d be hiking alone for 2 weeks but I’d have more information about the trail and water. No joke, the only people I know on the red line are Tex and Beats and I would be a day ahead of them. Would have to push more miles.
Go Big Sky…choose one of the 10 highlighted routes, set out solo in bear county, maybe find another human, and have no real-time data about water, but instead of hitch it would be more of a continuous footpath.
I finally walked out of town around 2 with the intention of walking the Big Sky alt. I’d chosen my route to Big Sky and was prepared. I walked the road walk out of town and stopped for a break every hour because it was hot and it was boring. I was bummed. Here I was, walking towards my goal with no joy in my step. I felt like I wasn’t even on the CDT. Because I wasn’t. I was hiking a section of trail I didn’t want to hike alone, alone, and frustrated that I had to make this choice anyway. I always knew it could come.down to this…that I’d have to adjust my hike based off of my work schedule. I was prepared in the beginning, before the hike even started, to have to take short cuts or flip or LASH it. I was prepared to do as much of the trail as I could with the timing I was given. But when it really happens- the thing you think you are emotionally prepared for- it kind of just sucks anyway.
I got about 10 miles into the day, it was around 6pm, and I saw Bud’s Instagram. Still hanging at the cabin. People. 13, Guy 5, Boonie, Eldorado. Laughter. The cabin. Said fuck it and I stuck my thumb out. 30 seconds later I was in a car. 10 minutes later I was on the porch. 30 minutes later I was eating Chinese food.
I slept on the porch, had the shits in the night (Guy 5 did, too, and he puked…so the Chinese food may have been the culprit) and tossed and turned a bit before falling asleep around 1am.
Day 131, Thru Hike turned hike and bike
Hiked 0
Biked 46 Miles
Did I say biked?
Yeah. I biked. The alternate didn’t sit well with me. I just didn’t want to do it. I didn’t even feel like I was backpacking the CDT anymore. The red line and hitching wasn’t sitting well with me. I just didn’t feel confident about the other choice. But when I knew biking was possible, I got excited and energized. Yes! This is what I want to do. I want to use my body to get north, no hitching, no hiking trails alone that make me feel nervous because of the bears and lack of intel. I would abandon the idea of a pure thru hike and have a hike and bike of the CDT. I feel better about this than skipping miles in a hitch.
I woke up thinking about biking and called to see if it was even possible. Looked crap up. Threw the idea out there. Went to breakfast with the crew in west Yellowstone. Sat next to Boonie. Flirted some. He’s cute. Super Cute. Settled on the biking idea. Went with it.
I biked today. Got a mountain bike from Free Wheel and Heel with a little trailer for my gear and I’m on my way to Butte, MT where I will get a rental car and deliver the bike back to west Yellowstone, hopefully find some hikers to give magic to, and then get back on the CDT up around Butte. That should leave me with about 600 miles of trail to hike and I’ve got about 200 miles of biking to do.
After only 40 miles on the bike, my sit bones are screaming. I knew that would happen. I had planned to go further but a storm was rolling in and I saw a sign for camping that I couldn’t pass up.
The views on the bike were pretty today, although you couldn’t see far because of the smoke in the sky from all of the fires in the west. I biked past a lake that was the site of the largest earthquake in the rockies back in 1951. Big ol land slide killed 28 people, buried most of them alive. Unreal.
Day 132, Biking Montana Country
Hiked 0
Biked 70 miles
The wind was having its fun last night and woke me up more than once. The fact that my tent has survived wind like that is cause for celebration. It also seemed to be blowing hot air up the Missouri River because I ended up sleeping naked outside of my bag at one point, which has never happened for me on this trail.
The wind was still whopping its way around in the morning as I packed up but thankfully it was at my back once I got up on the road. It made for a cruisey morning ride. Slight uphill felt flat and I flew down the descents. 20 or so miles into the ride I rolled through the little town of Ennis. Super cute. Gave my rear end a break and had a coffee and breakfast sandwich at a little coffee shop. After a massive dump in the park bathroom, I set off, still thankful for a tailwind. Around 1ish the wind changed course and hit me head on. O boy. The flats now felt like mountains. Granny gear became my favorite and only gear. Around 2, I stopped at a little Cafe and had a patty melt. Once again, mainly to rest my rump. My legs felt great. Not sore. Not tired. But my sit bones ooooo they were (and still are) screaming. After devoring my patty melt and a slice of raspberry rhubarb pie, I gingerly got back on the bike, barreling into the wind and apparently a thunderstorm. The wind got so intense at one point I had to walk the bike for fear of being blown off the road while riding. The sky opened up and the rain fell, and with that, the wind slowed a bit. At that point, I only had about 8 miles left to get to a campground where I figured I’d call it quits on account of the weather.
What a great spot to quit for the day. I’m in the most adorable little cabin. The onwers gave it to me for 60 bucks instead of 85 and they didn’t have me pay for my dinner (gas station hot dog, chips, and half a burrito). I sat and chatted with them for a bit. Really friendly couple.
Apparently a crew of CDT hikers was here 2 days ago. Wild Turkey and Grey Goose. They hiked the road.
Got some flirty messages from a hiker boy I noticed waaaay back in Chama. He was in West Yellowstone when I went back for the night. Boonie. Super cute. I felt like he was interested in me. Attentive. Asking me questions. Touched my leg. Hugged me good bye. Little things you pick up on. I hope our paths cross again.
Day 133, Dripping Wet on a Bike
Hiked 0
Biked 38 miles
Up and over Pipestone pass in the rain today. The descent was fun but brrrrrrrrr. BRRR.
I almost bailed. Like, if a truck had stopped to pick me up, I would have taken the ride up the climb. But no one did and I’m glad they didn’t.
Biked right into the Enterprise around 2:30 dripping wet. Big ol sloppy mess. Changed in the bathroom and started the drive back to west Yellowstone to drop off the bike and trailer before the day was done. Timing was perfect, just after I dropped the bike and grabbed an ice cream, Cake and So Good got to the road at Macks Inn (where I had grabbed ice cream and hitched in with Bud) and I was able to swing over there to give them a ride to the cabins we’ve all grown to love in West.
Called and chatted with Beats and Tex while I drove back to Butte. Wish I was with them.
Day 134, Moody skies warrant naps
Zero in Butte.
I was planning on hiking out this afternoon, but the sky was moody and after a morning of chores I just wanted to lay down and be warm.
Ran into one other hiker but otherwise I think the big bubble I know about is due in tomorrow, right as I’m leaving. O well.
Day 135, Finding Trail Mates
Hiked 9 miles
For the first time this whole trail I slept past 9am. I didn’t wake up until 10 and that was because house keeping knocked on my door.
That changed the pace of my day. Obviously needed to wander off for a coffee. Sat at this coffee bar and chatted it up with the locals for an hour. Then, wandered back to my room and sloooowly made my way out of it. Like, I didn’t leave til close to 1. Then decided to walk down through town to make my way up a side trail to the CDT and avoid any hitching. The town creeped me out a bit. Lots of cat calls from trucks and things were a little run down. Enough so that I didn’t feel comfortable hitching alone. Right before the junction to my trail out of town, I saw Road Runner and he let me know that Brown Streak, Squashie and their crew were in town and hiking out- Say what?! So I joined that whole gaggle of hikers and slowly wandered out of town with them. It rained for an hour so we just hung out at some covered picnic tables in front of Safeway until it passed. The skies cleared and it was a beautiful time to be out walking. Thankful to have friends to hike with!
Day 136, Lakes of Rain
Hiked 20ish miles
Beside the 2 freak rain storms, it was an easy day of hiking.
Right now I’m in my tent, it’s 7:45, and the thunder is loud, some would say thunderous. Every 30 seconds the sky lights up, the earth rumbles. The rain is heavy and forming a lake around my tent. I keep hearing WiFi call out that there’s a lake and that he now has a water bed. He’s floating. The wind is whipping. The sky has completely unleashed. And what can you do? Just sit here, in my tent, and hope that no trees fall or are struck by lightning nearby. There’s 8 of us camped here in this storm. We were all sitting in a circle a ways away from our tents, about to eat dinner, when, what felt like a massive surprise, the sky started dumping on us. We all ran to our tents and broke bear protocol. Dinner in the tent. What else can you do?
The wind is blowing so hard and the rain is heavy as it hits the ground- water is splashing up between my fly and mesh. Little tiny puddles of water are scattered on the floor of my tent. But I’m warm. Dry. For now.
I thought about Beats today and how much I miss hiking with him. Zero days with him made me happy. I’m glad there are other folks around to hike with, good folks, but it feels like the trail I was hiking is over and now I’m on another one.
Day 137, Gentle Wooded Mountains
Hiked 19 miles
A relaxing day on trail. Walking took minimal effort. The sun visited and we were able to dry our things. I walked without purpose, more of a stroll through the woods, mind wandering, reflecting, thinking about love a lot. Got sad about being single for a hot second and then moved past those thoughts.
The afternoon was a series of podcasts and gentle wooded mountain climbs.
I’m camped with the most hikers I’ve seen in one spot on trail this whole summer- maybe 14 people? 12 people? Squashie, Ontario, Goddess, Beta, Scoobie, Wifi, Belows and his friend, Cramps, Outlaw, Happy, MacGyver, Brown Streak, me. 14. Wish my people were here, too. Missing Tex. Beats. Bud. Money. Cake. So Good. My people on this trail.
Thinking I’ll hike 25 tomorrow and then just have an easy 5 into town the following day.
Really looking forward to washing my sleeping bag. It smells like my ass does after eating shitty food.
Day 138, stinks like pee
Hiked 23.5 miles
It’s 8 am. I’m still in my stinky cozy sleeping bag. Turned off my alarm at 6am without a second thought or any hesitantion. Burrowed in deeper, went back to sleep.
Now, puffy and mellie on. Drinking coffee and eating a stale blueberry scone. Sounds of some packing up, others still in bed. Wondering why it has to be so cold outside in August and why everything I’m wearing smells like pee.
To get to Canada by the 15th of September, I only have to average 16 miles a day, thanks to biking the Big Sky cutoff. So. Motivation to get up early and moving in the cold is not high. There isn’t an urgency. So why not be slightly comfortable, ya know? Or another way to think of it is I only have to hike 20 miles a day, can take 5 zeros, and still get to the border by the 15th. 20 mile days feel easy. A nice hike with good breaks. Lots of sleep.
830 pm. Back in my stink sac of cozy goodness. The day was smooth, easy even. I mostly walked and listened to Carrot Quinns book the Sunset Route. It was better to listen to something. There wasn’t much to look at today, just tree lined trail, and when I didn’t have the book on, I just got sad thinking about how much I miss hiking with Beats.
Day 139, to town
Hiked 7 miles
3 miles from the road I texted a fella that had his number posted on the trail for rides into town because BREAKFAST WAS WAITING. When I rolled up to the road, he was just pulling in and 3 other hikers, Wifi Scoobie and Outlaw, were there trying to hitch into town. Tom, the driver, dropped us off at a little casino breakfast joint and it was everything I’d been craving.
The day was fun. Wandering the town. Espresso. Seeing other hikers. And then shit hit the fan. MacGyver had a positive test for covid and she had been around us all the past 3 days. She was sick on trail and not getting too close, but she was around. I was sharing a room with Ontario, Goddess, and Brown Streak until Ontarios test came back positive as well. No symptoms at all…he was shocked. How Goddess, HIS WIFE, didn’t have it, too, I don’t know. They both retested with the same results. Brown and I will get tested tomorrow to see if we are asymptomatic as well. There’s this pressure to do the right and responsible thing, to not spread it in the hiking community. You don’t want someone hell sick out in the woods.
Day 140, covid shit balls
Zero in helena
Brown and I went out for coffee and grabbed a bite to eat first thing this morning. After a sufficient amount of food and Espresso, we walked to the cvs and grabbed some take home test kits for covid. Me: negative. Brown: positive. Fuck. And so we repeat the day before and he leaves my room to go isolate in his own. This leaves me having been in a hotel room for an extended time with 2 people that have tested positive in the past 2 days. Brown is vaxxed though and also has zero symptoms. So now, acting in line with cdc recommended procedure for vaxxed people, I have to wear a mask around other people now for the next 10 days and test 2 to 5 days after exposure to see if I’m carrying the virus.
This all puts such a damper on the end of this hike. I decided to wait one more day in town, which actually feels frustrating because I’m anxious to get hiking. Feeling the push. And it’s boring hanging out alone and avoiding people. But yeah, it seemed more responsible to wait another full day and then test myself again before hiking out. I don’t want to be sick on trail, nor do I want to get someone else out there sick.
Day 141, the zero i didn’t want
Another zero in helena
I did not need a zero here. I didn’t need the first one either. But with all of my face to face time with folks that tested positive for covid, I thought it best to stay one more day and re-test before leaving town. Took a test this morning…still negative. Will test tomorrow morning. If it’s still negative, I’ll hike out and keep space from other hikers for the next few days. Brown started feeling sick today. Well shit. Hoping my vax does its job and I never have a viral load big enough to detect or spread or feel anything.
There’s only 350 miles left of this trail. I don’t want to chill hike it. I still want to push for 25 mile days. To feel the burn. I’ve hardly hiked the past 2 weeks. Feels like I haven’t hiked at all. Did I even do any of it? What a sloppy end to a long, hard trail. So many curve balls.
I’m starting to get anxious about post trail weight gain and feeling gross in my body. I know it doesn’t have to be that way. I’m surprised with how hard this trail has been that I haven’t lost more weight. I’ve lost 20 pounds. Last weight in was 167. A healthy loss. But I had hoped to get more in the range of 160. Maybe my body just doesn’t burn as many calories on these hikes anymore but I eat as if it is still burning 5 to 6k a day. I know I gained weight both times I got on lexapro, so maybe it also just makes it harder for me to drop weight…has my body hold onto it somehow and prevents me from going below 165. I need to start thinking more about what I’m eating even while I’m on trail to get into the habit of matching my intake with the energy I’m burning so it isn’t such a shock when I’m done hiking.
So today was made up of the following: a long shower, espresso and donut, parking lot chat with brown, junk cart, and Sprout, brunch at a Cafe with myself, nap in the room for 2 hours, call about my new rain jacket delivery, a couple work emails, walk to Walgreens and Safeway, emergency shit at safeway, talk to Money on the phone for a half hour, salad in a bag in bed, talk to Money again, look at Instagram for the 1000th time, walk to get ice cream and hot fudge, fart a lot, put on a face mask, wander around my room naked. If I wasn’t avoiding people due to my covid exposure, I’d have hung out with the new folks in town. Well actually, I’d be on trail. Walking. North. To get this damn thing done. I feel like I’m going to have to come back and do it all over again. I hope I don’t feel that way post trail. Nooooooooo.
Day 142, soak up the espresso and walk
Hiked 22 miles
After the usual last morning in town things (heaps of espresso and a breakfast sando), I hitched back to trail with chili dog and Sprout. It was a nice walk with only a little bit of rain, although the sky threatened to do more damage. I took the ley alternate which routed us by more water and ran into a whole new crew of hikers. 2taps and tumbleweed among them. At camp there were at least 18 hikers, 3 of which I’d never met before still meeting new hikers. Wild. I thought I’d seen everyone there was to see.
Day 143, a bit of a mood
Hiked 25 miles
Could not figure out how to regulate my body temperature today. Uphill hot and sweaty but cold at the same time thanks to the wind and clouds, downhill cold, flat in the sun hot, uphill hot sun’s out, downhill freezing sweaty mess and on and on. It wasn’t bad hiking.just one climb and descent after the other up to the gear shop tucked into the wooded mountain side. This fella used to have the gear shop on Mt laguna at mile 42 of the PCT and moved out here in 2019 thanks to dumb zoning policies being enforced. Works for me! I got a long sleeve hiking shirt that is a happy medium between my short sleeved and my mellie. Also got the new lone peaks and mailed the previous model home because I’ve discovered after a full day the 4.5’s hurt the bones on the top of my foot in a way that the 5’s do not. They’ll do for a trail run but not for all day hiking.
I made my way down into town early taking a shortcut. Why? I don’t know. Just felt like it. And I also felt like I should stay away from the bubble for at least another day. Don’t want to give anyone covid (I’m still in the window of being able to carry it and spread it. And brown, yeah, he’s actually sick now. So sad). and ruin the end of their hike. I guess I’m in a mood.
Day 144, Seriously? Another Zero?
Zero in Lincoln
New record for me. Have I zeroed in every single trail town besides Lordsburg? I think so!
I was walking out of town, all things packed, all chores done, when I saw Goddess and Ontario. They were just getting in and going tobget food. Soni joined them, why not. And then I followed them to their hotel. And then I stayed. The hotels in this town are the cheapest I’ve had on trail. 60 bucks. And actually cozy. Nice even. Lounged around in the back yard with those two for a few hours and drank a beer in the sunshine. Around dinner, I wandered down to a restaurant to hang with 2taps, Tumbleweeds, Road Runner, and Lizard. It’d be fun to hike around them some more. Good vibes there. They’d keep me motivated, too. They hike fast. I’ve been slower these days. No real urgency I suppose. I know I can get 20 done easily so I just keep moving at whatever pace feels good.
Day 145, cowboy camping
Hiked 14.5 miles
A leisurely wake up in a cozy ass bed in a cozy ass room, sprawled naked under cozy ass covers and soft sheets. Only thing that would have made it better would have been rolling over to a naked sleeping hiker boy, snuggling up to him and doing all the things you can do at that hour in that situation. But. No. I woke alone, having fallen asleep wondering how, as I approach my 39th birthday, I have come to this age and have not yet experienced a mutual love with anyone yet. It baffles me.
Anyway. Went and got breakfast and joined in with 8 other hikers. Ate Crazy Eyes’ left over pancakes (holy wow) and ordered Cinnamon roll French toast. Also wow.
Boomerang drove into town and gave Ontario, Goddess, Blitz and I a ride back up to trail after grabbing some coffee (and milkshakes for the others) at the little coffee Hut. Boomerang had to get off trail way back in Lake City and get injections in his knee. He had been hoping to get back on trail but ended up needing 6 weeks of recovery time. So now, he’s driven up here to hike in Glacier and is going to hook us up with some rides at the next trail head, too. Super helpful. And fun! He’s a great dude to hang with.
The trail today had hella ups and downs. But, luckily, the climbs never seemed to last more than a mile without a break. Only major problem is that my left achilles is flaring up again and uphill doesn’t help much for making it feel better.
I liked being up on the ridge line today and the sunset was nice. I’m cowboy camped with 6 others right now on a bald. Good views. Good times.
Day 146, pondering transitions
Hiked 27 miles
Some good climbing on bald ridge lines today with a casual valley hike to cap it all. Sunshine. Good vibes. No pain.
Last night I woke around 3 am to the sounds of elk doing their thing. The milky way was on display. I was warm in my little burrito bag. Felt nice. Magical really.
I thought about a variety of topics today but I kept coming back to what I can do to have a healthy transition back into my other life. I don’t want to just watch my fitness slip away. On the contrary, I want to see myself continuing down the path of fitness and I’d like to lose 10 more pounds. Get rid of the pudgy belly that so stubbornly has held on all summer. Should I get a nutritionist? Or just a therapist? Or both? What routine do I want to set up for movement? I just want to treat my body with respect…act as if I love myself until I really do.
Day 147, Augusta
Hiked 13 miles
Augusta is the perfect little trail town. One I’d want to zero in but there was no need for a zero. A country General store, a couple bars, breakfast spot, and one perfect little motel with great spaces for hikers to congregate and chill together. Everything in a half mile strip. Views of the Bob off in the distance. Just perfect. Reminded me of other little trail towns I loved. Sierra City. Packwood. Trout Lake. There were 20 hikers in town. All in the same place. These are the town feels I like on a hike. It’s happened on this trail a few times…the towns that are small enough to where all the hikers are congregated in one spot. In pie town, Cuba, Chama, Pagosa Springs, Rawlins, Atlantic city, Lander, Lincoln and Augusta. I feel like a solo hiker again- I had started to feel like I was a part of a crew, a tramily, and no longer fully solo. People loop me into their plans, they are inclusive, but ultimately I’m just planning for me again, unlike in Wyoming and parts of Colorado where I was planning as a trio or a duet. I miss laughing with Beats and Tex. I miss their humor.
Day 148, Hey Bob
Hiked 17.5 miles
It was hard to leave yet easy to leave at the same time. I know I don’t have wiggle room anymore if I want to have Abby pick me up and there was a ride being offered the 30 miles back to trail up a dirt road. But oooo the bed on my room was so comfortable and the sheets were so soft. The view from the back of the motel was so lovely, I could have stayed a whole day sipping on drinks just looking out towards the mountains. Instead, though, I am in them.
I’ve entered into the Bob Marshall wilderness. This is a section of trail I have feared in the past. She’s thick with bears. A densely forested patch of the earth. Already, just a few miles in, 3 folks just ahead of me saw a grizzly. I’ve seen tracks and poop. I get it. This place looks like a bear haven. Plenty of water, dense green foliage along the creeks, towering pines. The hiking was easy today, but not getting started until noon and avoiding hiking alone at dusk capped me shorter than the 20 I had hoped for. I’m camped with Ontario, Goddess, Chocolate Chip, Bullet, Juice, and Xray next to a little creek making that o so beautiful bubbling noise. I’m much more comfortable camping in these woods with other folks. I really don’t want to have to scare off a bear on my own in the night.
Day 149, Brown Streak Returns
Hiked 23 miles
Snug in my bag until nearly 8am. Hiked by 8:15 into the cold air, but swiftly warmed up on the uphill climb.
Brown Streak got back on trail yesterday after being knocked out by covid and he caught up when I was eating an early lunch. We walked together and chatted a bit, passing the pretty miles easily. Then I caught up with Chocolate Chip and we hiked and chatted for a bit. The other miles were passed listening to a book on tape called the Paper Palace on my speaker. It is interesting and having the audio out loud helps warn the critters aka bears that I’m coming. There were some pretty dense sections of forest, anything could just be right there in your face. I haven’t been scared though.
Day 150, I Want
Hiked 29 miles
Once again, didn’t roll out of camp until 8. It’s just so cold in the mornings I can’t get myself motivated to move until at least 7.
The Bob has had some pretty bits but it’s not going to stand out as my favorite section or anything. Climbed up and over Switchback Pass, which was a good steady climb with, you guessed it, plenty of switchbacks. It reminded me of hiking in Washington. The views from the top were interesting. You could see this wall of rock extending for miles from where the Chinese wall feature was miles back. Other than that, I wasn’t very present with where I was hiking. I was either listening to my audio book or in my head thinking while music played.
I want to walk the Camino with Tom and Julian next year. I want to invite Beats to hang out in Arizona. I want to straighten my teeth and do something about my chubby gut. Not having any babies so might as well have the belly I want. I want to meet with N and talk to him about the things that happened in our childhood. In college. In my heart. I want a hair cut and a cute post trail outfit. I want to understand more about why I do not love this trail the way I loved the PCT. I want to make money again. To pay off my debts. I want to see my friends and family. To hold my niblings. I want to trail run. To car camp. To have delicious coffee every single morning. I want to get out of grizzly bear country.
Day 151, walk
Hiked 30 miles.
Today was one of those just keep walking days. 30 minute lunch. Quick 5 minute stretch breaks. Walk. Try not to fall down. The first half of the day reminded me to be thankful it was not raining and had not rained for days. the trail was so bushy I would have been drenched from head to toe in a minute. The wet bushes would have held the moisture well and made the trail feel like a pull through automated car wash. So yeah, the whole morning was walk, barrel through various plants drooping and reaching their way into the trail. These various plants also fully obstructed my view of any roots, rocks, and uneven ground so the morning also included near face plants and heaps of cussing. Just keep walking. I could have walked right into a bear before knowing I was walking right into a bear.
The second half of the day, when I took an alternate that followed a creek, I was rewarded with a trail that was actually wide enough to keep the bushes and trees and fireweed at bay, which was a welcomed relief. Even with the frustrating bits, the trail wasn’t too steep so I was able to hike the 30 miles from 7am to 6:30 pm. My feet were sore and tired at the end, as if I had returned to New Mexico and I was a fresh hiker all over again. I’d go back to the beginning. I would. I don’t dislike this trail so much that I wouldn’t ever start over. My one caveat would be that I would get to take what I know now with me to help guide me. To help me choose what is good and right for me. To help me trust myself more.
When I got to the road, a group of us gathered and hitched into East Glacier together. Margaritas and some of the best Mexican food were our reward for the day’s push, and then a welcoming stay at Luna’s.
Day 152, East Glacier
Zero in East glacier
I woke up this morning to chatter about the hellacious process of trying to secure back country camping in Glacier National Park. Nearly impossible to get something that works well. The parks system is strict and numbers are incredibly limited. Unlike Yellowstone, where they will cram 10 CDT hikers into one site, this park limits sites to 4 people MAX. no wiggle room. And the amount of actual camping locations is so limited, once one is full, you’re shit out of luck. So. So. Sooooo. I think I’ve come up with a plan, with a route, that can avoid getting permits and there is a group that is interested in doing the same thing. We will see how it works out.
This is why I wanted to get here sooner, to ensure I had wiggle room and would be able to actually hike in Glacier if I had to wait for permits.
There are at least 30 hikers here. It’s fun, but also, I sometimes feel like I just float around, looking for my one person to anchor me. And. They aren’t here. The one person, my chosen one, isn’t here. I have friends here, though. I feel cared for at least, but I am just me doing the me thing in a big sea of cheery people that seem to be doing the we thing with one another. I know that’s not true for everyone. There’s other solo chaps floating around, too. And I should clarify that I don’t feel excluded. It’s not like that. It’s just, I don’t have A person here.
I dont know why my body is responding to this hike differently than previous hikes, but here I am, on my period again. The last 2 times have come earlier than normal. Previous hikes, my period would come later and later as the trail went on. And. Weight loss. That’s different on this trail, too. Lost most of the weight in Colorado in the San Juans. And for the last 2 months I’ve stayed 168 the whole time. Just don’t really get it. Seems like hiking at least 5 days a week all day would amount to even just a few more pounds of weight loss. O well. O. Well. I just really had hoped to be back in my 160 pound body. I like how that feels. But, I just have to remind myself that a journey towards being in a body you feel comfortable and healthy and beautiful in doesn’t just end when your hike ends. I know what I need to do to keep moving towards what I want.
Day 153, high highs low lows
Slack packed 11 miles
It was a good day. Breakfast cooked at the hostel. Slack pack with Squashie, Ontario, Goddess, junk cart. Beautiful views.
Checked in at the ranger station and was able to split the 30 mile day I was planning to do tomorrow into 2 days of hiking. someone had canceled on their permits so some spots randomly opened. Will still have to exit the park after that because sites north weren’t available the 3rd night, but that’s OK.
I should be done on the 12th. Abby will pick me up on the 13th from East Glacier. And then it’s over.
I’m disappointed work dictated the route I had to take at the end. It stopped feeling like a thru hike when I split from Beats and Tex.
Many high highs and many low lows on this trail. What an experience.
Day 154, big black bear
Hiked 14.2 miles
I saw a black bear today! Only about 10 feet off trail, eating berries. She didn’t care much about me. Fun to see for sure, but slightly alarming at first.
Glacier is PRETTY. I really do like it here.
I’m on a permit for the next 2 nights with WiFi, Squashie, and Brown Streak. Cramps hiked with us today, too.
Day 155, last night out
Hiked 24 miles
I think this is the final night on trail for me. Tomorrow night I’m going to sleep in a hotel room in Many Glaier. Brian, a good friend from work, is leading a trip and said I could stay in his room. And then, to the border. Dang! It’s really drawing to a close.
Day 156, Hike Meets Work
Hiked 15 miles
Hi Many Glacier. You’re pretty.
The climb up over the pass that stood between my camp and Many was really beautiful, even with the smoke. So much smoke in the sky. It made the light cast by the sun just like the light you get as the night aims to creep in. Hours of the Golden hour. The Golden hour usually just lasts an hour, but today I got it for the whole morning climb, which affected my mood. It made things dreamy. Took me to thoughts I wanted and didn’t want to think about on the trail. My life. Love. Regrets. Heart ache. Joy. The climb was steady, in a way that allowed a rhythm that felt a bit like floating up the mountain.
When I got to Many, a half hour or so behind the others, I saw that Backroads leaders had already delivered some magic. Sandwiches and beers. I dropped my pack into Brian’s room and walked over to the ranger station with the others so they could sort out their trek to Waterton. The weather is a bit shit for the next two days so rather than work out a permit to stay in the backcountry try for 3 more days, I’m just going to move forward with my original plan and hike the chief mountain terminus tomorrow. There’s a crew heading that way so there should be some good energy at the end.
When I was about to head back to the hotel I was crashing with Brian, Boonie walked up! I thought he was a few days behind still. Fun to see him, such a cutie. He’s heading to chief mountain, too, so of course I want to stick with my og plan now even more because: cute boy.
Day 157, To Chief Mountain
Hiked 20 miles
Walking in the dark moody skies. Showered. Makeshift rain skirt from a trash bag.
Coffee on the general store porch. Hikers hugging. Excited energy. Wifi joining our crew. Boonie looking as cute as ever. Walking out in the rain together going the wrong way out of the parking lot twice. Me with a gaggle of boys. Story of my trail life. Up hill climb for 6 miles. Gentle climb. Clouds. Rain. Wind. Gorgeous views. Tree dripping until there weren’t any. Above the trees, skirting a massive bowl. Into a tunnel. Wind whipping. Body temps dropping. I ran the descent to get out of the cold wind. Snacks at the bottom. A micro dose of mushrooms. Push to the end. Chats with Boonie. Petting horsing and playing make believe”this is our house, these are our horses.” Hella mud. Slipping. No grip. Hungry. Screaming in frustration. Just. Want. To. Walk. Without slipping. And then: The end. No idea what I was feeling. What was I feeling? No idea. Awe. Pride? Shock? A mix of sadness wishing I’d done more pushed more hiked more been more. Was this the end or had it ended for me in West Yellowstone when I got on a bike and left my tramily? Did I really just spend 5 months making my way from Mexico to Canada? Again? How?
Back to East Glacier we go. Margs and shots at Seranos . Many hikers. Some finishers, some due to hike out. Laughter. Happiness. Good food. A round of shots from Brian on the backroads tab.
After dinner, a call to Beats. The conversation filled me up. Released any shame I felt around not being good enough. He was supportive. Kind. Loving on the phone. What I needed. I had done my best. I had hiked (and biked) on the CDT. I made my way from Mexico to Canada using my body’s power. Was it a perfect thru hike? No. But I had done my best and it was worth celebrating.
1 Day post trail
Hike over. No miles.
You might say I pink blazed. You might say the trail ended with a bang. You wouldn’t be wrong.
Got a room with a boy hoping for something and I got plenty. The way he held onto me and the things he said felt so good. So kind. Sweet. I felt beautiful. I felt cared for. Desired. His body was strong yet soft and I loved waking up in the middle of the night wrapped in his embrace.
“You deserve to be cared for.”
4 Months Post Trail
Looking Back
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