DAY O’s, imagining it all
March 2021, Pre-Hike, Couch and Computer
Is this thing really happening again? The thing where I put on a backpack that holds all of my essential items so carefully chosen and I walk walk walk walk forever and wonder what the hell I’m doing and why I love it and if it is even possible to do what I’ve set out to do…if that person in the past that walked 3 long thru hikes was me? How how how did she do that? Or am I’m planning for a big life event that won’t actually come to fruition? Will I injure out? Will a bear eat me in Yellowstone? Will I start walking and decide I don’t love it anymore and then what? Will COVID pop in for a hello and completely derail everything again? What will I learn about the world? About myself? I have so many questions, but I’m not anxious.
Huh. I wonder. I wonder a lot. We really never know anything. You only know the moment you are in and sometimes moments in the past- but those usually fade away and become distorted with time. So we know what is now. And right now, I’m planning to hike the CDT north. I’m planning to walk every day, unless burgers and beer and beds beckon. Right now, I’m sitting on a couch in a home in Tucson daydreaming about what it will be like. All I can come up with for certain is hearing the sound of my footsteps in harmony with my breath, feeling the wind whip at my sunburned face, and the pride I’ll feel as the strength in my legs propels me forward.
I’m so very excited to discover what lies ahead.
I start walking April 8th. All of my gear is displayed on my dresser, almost like a little alter for what’s to come. I walk past it and say, “hello gear!” or just stare at it, my mind empty, because I can hardly believe that what is to come is real.
Day 0s, last minute errands
Tomorrow I hop onto a greyhound with my heavier than I would like pack and get my ass over to lordsburg where I’ll probably go over my gear 20 times.
Today, I’m sitting in a salon chair dying my hair pink. 🙃
Yesterday, logistics and town chores. It feels good to have town chores again. Not just life chores anymore. Town chores mean that there are trail days ahead. My resupply plan is set: buy as I go unless I need shoes. I have 5 pairs of altra lone peaks (bought with a 40% discount) all cute and clean, ready to be mailed to me when I need them. Daysha is a dream boat and she’s up for the role. Got food set aside too, of course all organized and labeled because that is half the fun in my world, so she can just shove it in a box with some shoes. Ya know, 2 birds with one stone (what a terrible saying), one town chore covering two bases.
The organizing I’ve got down. The feeling of prep has muscle memory. Heres what I do, where things go, how I pack. The part that freaks me out is the putting the pack on my back and walking part. I’m annoyed with me, not a debilitating annoyance, but annoyed nonetheless. Past me was SET on NOT starting this hike out of shape and in chub mode. I was going to get in miles everywhere. I was going to do strength building exercises.
Day 1, A little cave of bliss
Day 1, 14ish miles
Hot sun, little shade, and an excellent 2 hour nap in a wash tucked under a rock ledge, chip crumbs scattered all over my boobs…my own little cave of bliss.
Got dropped at the border with 4 other hikers, all boys, and hung back as they hiked on to have a moment in the quiet with it all.
Honestly, I didn’t feel much.
But tonight, as I sat around the water cache 14 miles in and ate dinner in the company of other hikers, I felt happy and I could say even a little bit excited. It’s about the way of life this thing offers.
I love finding a spot for my tent.
I love eating a warm meal at the end of the day, all dirty and accomplished.
I love cracking gross jokes about butts.
And now, I’m cozy in bed, all wet wiped down, wind blowing like a fucking angry hornet, but im good with it.
I love looking at my maps for the next day. Thinking about what’s to come.
I didn’t think or feel much on the walk today. But I will. It’ll come.
Day 2, Shades of brown on brown
Day 2, 21.5 miles
Woke up with a headache. Maybe I didn’t have enough water yesterday?
My left foot is a little tender right at the top when I flex my big toe up. Why? This happened before when I went off for a little jaunt on the pct before the azt. Going to have to baby it a bit.
Also. New Neo Air pad. Unreal how loud it is when I move. It’s like I’m sleeping on a garbage bag, a really comfortable one, but geeeeeze. I swear it’s louder than the older one. And holy hell. I think my new sleeping bag is definitely warmer. So much sweat between my legs last night! It’s a swamp down there.
Hiked 21.5 miles today and even had a little nap in like the ONE place with shade. Foot was sore yesterday and now it isn’t. Bodies are weird.
Everything feels cooked here. True desert. Shades of brown on things that think they aren’t brown but really are just brown. Literally every plant is covered in thorns.
Day 3, hot ass desert dust
Day 3, Hachita and 14.5ish miles
Great day. All the things I love about a day on trail. Hikers to laugh with, solo time walking, easy ride secured into town for mid day lunch and break, beautiful sunset, tasty noodles.
Hiked somewhere around 14 or 15 miles. 9 to the road, called the Hacita General store owner Jeffery and he sent someone up the 8 miles to grab us. He was darling. So sweet. Could not get over how genuine his smile was and how welcoming he made this little store in the middle of the desert surrounded by abandoned houses feel. The three of us, Ozark and Melissa, ate burritos and chips to our hearts’ content while we sat in the shade caste from the brightly painted store waiting out the heat of the day. Chatted with locals and this couple, probably in their 50s, that are biking the whole perimeter of the United States. They are about half way through. Impressive. Sounds hard. The wind out here would make me never want to be on a bike again. Hard enough walking in it.
Our ride back to the trailhead was given by a weathered deeply tanned older man wearing a neon yellow cut off t-shirt and drinking a coors lite…in the car. He drove in whatever lane he felt like being in. Might as well, there ain’t no one else on the road I suppose. He was adorable and encouraging. Been here in this hot ass desert dust for 20 years in a town with a population of 38. Figured if he made it here that long, he could probably get us to the trail in one piece. (He did.)
Day 4, there is no shade, but at least there’s vulva cream.
Day 4, 20ish miles
Another hot exposed day on the cdt. This trail, well route is more like it, is not some nice little walk in the pretty desert botanical gardens. I don’t know how people that have never hiked in a desert region make it. Apparently there has already been a fair amount of evacs from heat exhaustion and dehydration…so maybe they don’t make it.
Walked about 20 miles today and started it with a leisurely break from camp. A crew of friendly folks hiked up as I was leaving camp with this gal Melissa. I got good vibes from them. Makes me long for my trail pals from previous hikes though. That’s always how it is, isn’t it? Takes a minute to bond- don’t get me wrong, it feels nice to chat and joke with the other hikers out here, but once there’s a few hundred miles under our belts it the connections start to change.
I really tire easily from some of the common first week chats…what are you carrying? How heavy is that? Why are you carrying that? How far ya going? Mainly I think it’s because those chats in the beginning can come and in hand with a fair amount of gloating or anxious insecurity that can be annoying to be around. Not everyone is like this. Some people you can jump past that and just share stories and food and laughs with or actually talk about your gear because you are genuinely curious to learn about how someone else does it. I deeply appreciate that.
Also really appreciate my time alone walking. Almost hard to get that right now, but! I’m thankful to have a couple of folks looking out for me (and I them) in the brutal section of trail. The exposure could really take things south quickly.
My body is tired, but holding up well. One blister on the ball of my foot…not too bad.
I’m carrying this lavender coconut oil – marketed as a vulva cream, but I’m using it on my butt and pubes and vulva and shitz…if I were to chaff, I’d use it there too. It smells so nice and seems to be helping with all the heat and friction going on.
Day 5, how can a body make this many farts?
Day 5, 14ish miles into Lordsburg
All I can say about today is farts. My farts. Some kind of record must have been set today. How can a body make a fart every 3 minutes and still walk 14 miles into town for lunch through the blaring sun on a trail that is just a route weaving through all things throny through the cracking sandy rocky earth? How? It’s a miracle. Why though? Why must I be the girl that farts every three minutes? Big life questions. Those fuckin dehydrated backpacker pantry meals…they get my guts rolling. Taste so good after a long day…smell so bad coming out.
In Lordsburg now and sharing a room with Melissa and Ozark. Had great morning hike. Lots of cute cows. Old cinder cones. Last 5 miles into town felt a bit brutal with the heat and sand, burning feet and a couple blisters, but good spirits.
Day 6, Dirt devils and wide open spaces
Day 6, 15 miles
Lordsburg in the morning, slow greasy spoon breakfast, a few errands, excellent shit in a shitter. Packed out a burrito for the afternoon hike. Amazing what 24 hours off in a town will do for your aching swollen feet.
And then, the hike. Desolate wide open space. Dirt devils or dirntnados, whichever you wanna call it. Tumble weed. Army crawls under barbed wire. Dead cattle in various states of decay. Moving into prickly pear just days away from blooming. Up and down through sandy washes. Bun buns being bun buns. A sunset that forces you to stop and watch. Demands it. Hike to camp in the dark fighting the sand that wants to eat your feet whole. Set up in the only space sans cow turds. Stars. Bed. It was a good one.
Day 7, A trail with shade!
Day 7, 18 miles
Today there was trail, like actual trail, for the first time. And trees! Trees with beautiful shade.
O! And passed the 100 mile marker, which called for a butt Vista of course.
18 miles later I find myself full to the brim with baked beans and ham from a trail angel named Solo. Uncomfortably full.
I’m hiking around some super nice and thoughtful people, but I’ve been aching for a little bit more alone time on the trail which is kind of the opposite of what I thought this would be like out of the gate! I don’t know it just feels like I need some space to be alone with this trail and get connected to it.
Day 8, Drinking from mud puddles
Day 8, 26 miles
I found the pines. And the uphill. 5,500 feet of uphill. It felt GOOD! But, did not find flowing water. No flowing water. So dry.
Hiked 26 miles today mostly alone and now I’m camping alone for the first time. Tucked up next to a cliffside in a riparian canyon. Got water from essentially two mud puddles today in that 26 miles. Needless to say, I’m beat.
Night hiked for the last hour. Saw a little owl. Jumped when I heard noises in the bushes. Wished I wasn’t hiking in the dark alone. Bear poop around all day. I don’t like hiking alone in the dark when I’m in the same neighborhood as bears and cougars. Makes me jumpy. But, I had to get to my next mud puddle. And when I say mud puddle, this time I mean an old cow trough with an inch or two of water, filled with dead bugs and other strange floaters, cow saliva and hair, and maaaaaybe even some motor oil? I’m not sure. It was dark and the bugs were really into my headlamp, making it hard to see. O. And mud. I collected the water with my mug, poured it into my dirty bag using my handkerchief as a pre-filter for the big gross stuff, filtered water, added a drop of bleach to water, and then boiled it! Haha so overkill, but after 26 miles I wasn’t hiking another 3 miles in the dark to another water source that could have had a dead bird or bat or cow in it, nor was I going to get the shits from drinking that garbage without taking extra precautions to clean it. Ya never know!
Day 9, A chill solo morning
Day 9, 12 miles hiked, 6 miles hitched
Made it to Silver City. Beautiful chill morning, just me and the canyon and cows. Woke up slow. Coffee in my bed. Good breeze. There really were some cute cows today. They even walked with me on the trail for a while, two mammas and their babies.
Then, I got to the section of trail that was paved road walking into town. 13 miles on a paved road with an itty bitty shoulder and trucks going 65 and faster. Not gonna lie, not that great of an experience. Any time a big truck would wizz by I’d hold my breath and hope they stayed on the road. I made it about 7 miles walking the road, got cell phone service, and asked Turquoise (from the PCT 16) to come and rescue me. She lives here now and came to my rescue with a delicious cold coke in hand. You know, when it stops feeling safe, I’m out. Folks argue whether or not you’ve completed a thru hike if you haven’t touched every inch if trail with your feet. I’m of the opinion that paved roads are incomplete sections of trail. I’ll hike them when I feel safe, but if safety starts to be a factor, I’m out. I’m here to hike TRAIL. So, I suppose for some, I’m just on a hiking adventure and not a thru hike, but I don’t really care too much about that because I’m honest about what I do, I guess our language or word used for what we’re doing hold different meaning. Thru hike, continuous footh path thru, l.a.s.h (long as section hike), section hike, etc. Whatever. I’m hiking the trail.
An hour later I had a burrito in my mouth and settled into the Triple Crown Hostel. Got my own private room because why not? Sleeping naked away from other people sounded excellent.
All in all, I only hiked about 12 miles today and hitched with Turquoise for the last 6 miles of road. My body feels good and I’m ready to hit the Gila.
long series of Vax zeros
Day 10, coffee and sex chats in silver city
Zero 1, no miles
Even though I was in the most comfortable bed, my internal clock had me awake around 6 am. I refused to listen, I tried to sleep more, finally giving up and getting out of bed around 8:30. Breakfast was cold left over general Taos chicken and then I wandered off to this adorable coffee shop just down the road from the hostel with Melissa, Ozark, and chef boyar-dazzle
We drank coffee and talked about sex, sti’s, stigma, vaginas and vulvas, and a slue of other topics I find fascinating. Coffee always gets me excited to chat. These cuties (Melissa, Ozark, and Chef) are always down for an invigorating conversation.
My car is here in Silver City to make getting back to Tucson for my second vaccine a bit more simple (and cheaper), so I and the others in my bubble left behind some cold weather gear in Lordsburg we knew we wouldn’t need for the last leg. I drove down to grab it, shocked at the amount of sand and dirt and dust clouding the sky. It’s been really windy. It was fun seeing the other hikers that are 4 days behind and made me feel excited about what other fun people I will inevitably sync up with now that I have to pop off trail for a few days.
I’m thankful I’m getting vaccinated. No one out here acts like covid is a problem. Granted, we are mostly outside, I’ve met a handful that are already vaccinated and a handful that already had covid, so they aren’t all that concerned. It will make me feel a lot better to be fully vaccinated with the way all of the hikers seem comfortable with congregating indoors. Maybe they don’t have dead grandma’s or friends with dead friends? I’ve heard covid compared to the flu more than once and it does trigger me a little bit. I look forward to the day when covid is a similar threat to the flu! What a dream! And yes, for the majority of people, getting covid is like getting the flu. But for folks with other health conditions, it’s a fucking battle against death! I’m noticing my own resolve to keep distance is fading as well.
Anyway. Any. Way.
On another note, I still have 4 days until my shot. I might do a slack pack day tomorrow to get some miles in and then head back to Tucson. I could also hike the 50 miles to Doc Campbell’s but, the shuttle to come pick me up is $80 and the drive is an hour and a half (which I’d have to do again when I get back up here after the shot). Not sure if it’s worth it. It’s hard to pause for more than a couple of days, though. I can feel my body growing stronger and I don’t want to lose momentum.
Day 11, heading to hot springs
Zero 2, 0 miles
After a long unplanned nap in my car in Lordsburg after giving a hiker a ride there, I made the call to book a casita at Faywood hot springs for 2 nights to fill the vaccine waiting days with something memorable.
I honestly haven’t felt super awesome the past 2 days. Tired. A little congested. Can’t tell if it’s allergies or the dry dusty desert air or hell maybe I have a mild case of the ‘rona. Maybe that’s how a body feels when you’ve pushed it and then stop moving for too long. My body doesn’t hurt though. A half day’s rest has me ready for more which makes me believe my body is accepting the walking just fine.
All pain points have not been persistent and I’m pretty happy about that.
This pause in walking to get vaccinated is going to put me in a whole new bubble and I’m excited to see who else I’ll get to meet. There were good people in this bubble, which means there’s gonna be good people in other bubbles, too! Maybe I’m different than most, but I feel like it’s super common for people to rave about how wonderful hikers are, that you can bond and be friends with anyone…it’s not like that for me. I confess, there are plenty of hikers I don’t want to be around, be it the bro vibe they shed / obnoxious opinions / a major superiority complex / barf inducing entitlement they carry around because they’re HIKERS! I mean, there are a TON that I do like for sure, but this idea that every hiker is a fast bestie isn’t real for me. A big turn off recently is the denial of racism in the outdoors (which is always coming from a white person and boils down to a denial of racism existing because they haven’t seen it or the one minority they knew seemed to be fine!). I haven’t experienced racism on the trail because I am white, but that sure as hell doesn’t mean the experiences others report aren’t true. I’ve experienced things on trail in response to being a women that perhaps men don’t experience…doesn’t mean it ain’t real. I mean, ok, hi, my name is Moonshine, and I confess I don’t just blindly love every hiker. Does that make me a shitty part of the hiker community or just an honest one? I think some of it is that I do enjoy time alone so I am a bit more picky about who I’ll spend my time with walking. I don’t have to agree with everyone on everything, I’m not going to be a dick or not share my water, but they at the very least need to be kind, spread joy, and be enjoyable to be around. Being funny is a big bonus. Do I love being a part of the hiking community? Yes. We look out for one another and we laugh about farts and peeing on ourselves. And sometimes there’s a magic spark and you bond with people you would have never imagined growing close to. I love that. I really do. You meet so many different folks along the way. But for me, it doesn’t just happen with every hiker, just like in life, the trail ain’t any different.
One thing that is different on trail this year is that there are no international hikers. It changes the dynamic of the trail and of the conversations! Just a bunch of we white Americans out here (and more men than women). I’m going to miss meeting people from all-over the world coming from all different cultures with all of their varying world views, different life experiences, interesting quirks and accents. Who’s going to call the shopping cart a trolley or a truck a yute or the trash rubbish or their best friend a cunt?! Sigh.
Day 12, motivation has not been lost
Zero 3, no miles
Glad to report that another zero day does not make me want the trail less, but more. Motivation has not been lost. It is still what I want to do and it feels hard to settle into anything else.
Watched a bird build a nest while I lounged in a hotspring today. Went for a 3 mile walk in the nearby state park. Cool rocks, similar feel to the random boulders you see in jtree.
Day 13, to tucson
Zero 4, no miles
Drove to Tucson. Hugged some pals. Opened some mail. Got a new hiking shirt. Debated changing hats. I think the pink ‘snack time’ hat is going to win. Went to the post office and mailed myself a big ‘ol box of stuff to Pie Town. Had lunch with Zach. Drank coffee. Went to Summit Hut and got a new pair of Injinji, a purple cup because it’s purple, and a different stuff sack for my food (don’t love how the opsack packs in my bag. I’ll save it for bear country). Shaved my legs and the forest growing beneath my shorts. Decided I want my sit pad. Cut my sit pad a little bit smaller to save a fraction of an ounce and make it easier to pack. Wished I had ice cream. Bailed on a 10pm night cap with Mike when bed was calling as soon as the sun went down. Shot tomorrow. I am very eager to get back to the trail.
Day 14, vax day
Zero 5, one city mile
Shot day
8 am, shot in the arm done. Wandered a mile to the greyhound bus stop through downtown Tucson, grabbing a carrot juice and then a coffee along the way. 2.5 hour bus ride to Lordsburg sitting next to a gal about to start the CDT, Tumbleweed. Fun chats! One of those people I know I’d have fun hiking around. Gorged on a big fat burrito in Lordsburg. Caught a ride up to Silver City with a stop into Solo’s trail magic camp to deliver donuts from Diogenes (owner of triple crown hostel). There were heaps of hikers lounging- even met a cutie I’ve chatted with on insta for a few years. Once at hostel: 3 hour nap. Wander to The Toad for food and trivia night with a few other hikers. Then bed…all of the post shot side effects came raging in. Feverish and achy all night.
Day 15, vax recoup at triple crown hostel
Zero 6, no miles
Silver city triple crown hostel.
After a restless, feverish night, i finally got some uninterrupted sleep from 7 to 10am. Got out of bed feeling pretty ok and had coffee and breakfast here at the hostel with Crocs and Jibz. Unfortunately by mid day my energy was fully zapped and the slight chills came back, so I’ve mostly been in bed today. Got some chores done though! Health insurance squared away, blog updated, new music and podcasts downloaded.
Here’s to hoping I wake up feel spritly tomorrow and can start this damn hike again
Day 16 walking again
12 miles.
I thought of so many thing I wanted to write about on my walk today that I’ve probably already forgotten. They seemed so important! The way the trees moved and looked against the moody sky, the way the music enhanced what I was seeing. Made it all feel like everything was right. Trees and me made of star dust and music. Moving under a big beautiful sky.
It felt good to walk. I was happy to wake up today sans fever. Took things slow. Coffee. Breakfast. Chats with Diogenes. Packed it all up. Pooped big happy toilet poops.
When I left the hostel around noon I grabbed an espresso and chatted a bit with a few hikers just rolling into town and then got a text from Cake (fellow azt hiker pal) that he and his lady friend were at the brewery. So of course I went to say hi and had a beer! Finally made may way out of town around 1:30 and slowly got myself 12 miles up the trail. Everything about the temperature was perfect and I was thrilled to be hiking into trees. Didn’t even mind that it was all road walking (mostly dirt).
My heart felt happy. My labia are annoyed. Burger buns aka labia majora aka Majorie did not like that I trimmed the forest. Much itching ensued. Labia minora aka roast beef aka Mina was also beginning to get frustrated. There was a lot of pulling and adjusting of the shorts. Damn hair. Tempted to wax it all. Seriously. Thank God for this vulva cream! And while I’m in that region, my dear uterus said hello today. At least she is making herself known in a section of trail with heaps of water. It’s always easier to tend to the mess that is a period in the woods when there is adequate water.
And that, is a wrap of a day.
O, ate dinner with a group of women and set up camp with them! No men present! Has that ever happened on any of my hikes? It was really nice! 4 gals in their 30s and one in her 50s. Lovely and funny humans to boot. All have hiked at least one other long trail.
This gal 13 was telling a story about her experience at the ayce Chinese buffet on the AT…she started choking because she was eating too fast and not chewing…pulled the food out herself which triggered a gag reflex and she threw up on her plate AND THEN KEPT EATING ANYWAY.
Day 17, Hella steep bush wacks
Apparently 16 miles but it sure seemed like 20.
Today was definitely challenging but thankfully my mood was positive. All day I kept think about how the azt prepared me for this. Steep climbs. Hella steep. Cairns. No tread to follow. Downed trees. Bushwacking your way through manzanita. Steep rocky decents that have your toes clinging to the loose earth to keep from free falling down the mountain side. Dirt roads. Heat. Yep. I’ve done it all on the azt. The pct challenges never really were of this vain.
Two funny meetings today, both with self proclaimed hermits. One, Doug the Gila Hermit. Lived out here in what amounts to a storage shed for 22 years. And Cheshire Cat, a roaming wandering hermit living out of his Honda element. Piercing blue eyes. These chats, mainly the chat with the Gila Hermit changed the pace of my day. Maybe that was a good thing with how challenging the terrain was. Had been aiming for a 20 mile day, but, after a little over an hour and a half listening to the Gila Hermit share about his life and checking out (and tasting) his home brew, I had only gotten 5 miles done by 11 am. Then it took another 3 hours for me to do the following 3 miles! Some of it was because it was hard. Some was because im still soft and don’t move as fast on the uphill as I do on flat. And some still was because I was hot and farting a lot.
But now, oooooo now. Now I’m camped next to the Gila river with a beautiful cliff face behind me. This might be my favorite camp spot so far on trail. The sound of the water…real moving water…it is just too good. Ugh and putting my sore sad feet into the river after this gnarly decent that said it was 2 miles but I swear it was 3, was maybe the best thing next to a hot coffee being handed to you while you’re still in bed.
Thoughts today revolved around my feet, hoping I have someone to hike in Yellowstone with so I’m not alone with the grizzlies, feeling ready for romantic reciprocated love in my life, how much I love my family and the niblings, work, timing of the trail and anxieties around not having enough time to finish, and sex with C because damn, that was some good stuff.
Day 18, getting to docs
Hiked 16 miles
Sleeping at doc Campbell’s tonight and had a nice hotspring fed warm shower. These folks are gems. Amazing humans.
Having one of those not wanting to write nights, but what I will say is that walking through the Gila today (literally through, like at least 50 times) was continually beautiful and the water felt Amazing. Didn’t bother me a bit having my feet wet all day. Whenever I was on trail (some bits couldn’t find it and things were overgrown and had flood debris) I felt like I was sailing. My body felt good, my legs felt sturdy, my feet didn’t hurt. Got started walking today around 8:30, had a nice lunch (cheese crackers and pepperoni baby), stopped by a hotspring tucked next to the canyon walls and soaked me legs, and still got into docs at about 5. For the type of trail it was today (following cairns through terrain changing from deep sand to big round rocks to shrubs and sycamore groves to dry riverbed to riverbed filled with water to leaf and needle covered bits with sneaky little holes and hills…) it went by much fast than I expected. Someone had written in guthooks to be prepared to hike a mile an hour. Maybe the river was higher? Because I was definitely still able to get at least 2 miles an hour in. Well, even with all of the various tread to trip ya up, it was relatively flat,, so,, there’s that. I can cruise on flat. It was just so good to be near and in flowing water all day. And the cliffs! Ahhh so lovely to have them towering above. saw some cliff dwellings around the bend from where I camped. So interesting to think about the different ways humans have lived.
Ok. I guess I had plenty to say.
Day 19, night capped at Jordan hot springs
Hiked 11 miles
And yet another stunning day. Is there any place prettier than the west fork of the gila River? It really is lovely.
Spent the morning at doc Campbell’s drinking coffee and eating and chatting. Eventually by 1, after a final go at the store and some chats with 13, Crocks, and Jibz, I roused myself from the bliss that is gathering near food and front country luxuries with other hikers and began walking north in my own. I took the gila high route alternate first so that I could get a little climb in with dry feet and then drop down into bear canyon before meeting back up with the gila. So glad I did. It felt like it was just me and everything beautiful soni really had to saok it up, because if I didn’t, who would? Just me and big expansive views of rolling hills and valleys and pinyon pine and sage. The views were reminiscent of southern Utah and I felt right at home. Some of the ponderosa pines smelled so much like vanilla I felt like I could lick them and they would turn to brownies.
Down here, bubbling gila, having just soaked in Jordan hot springs with Tex (a 30 something from texas…cuuuuute) for an hour, I am in my happy place. It is a zion without the crowds.
I hope mice don’t chew through my tent tonight. I can hear rustling out there. I also hope my frigging public hair will get used to me hiking all day and stop being so damn itchy.
The moon just rose over the cliff walls and is so bright that I thought someone was standing over my tent with a headlamp on.
Well at least I’ll see the mice if they attempt to steal my food.
Day 20, hot damn, gila!
Hiked 20 miles
Hot damn gila. So many “can’t believe how pretty this is” moments today.
Hiked the first 6 or 7 miles solo and then synced up with Tex and NoKeys. Just in time to come across THE CUTEST BABY BLACK BEAR IVE EVER SEEN. No bigger than a chubby cat. Took a second to recognize what we were seeing and then the O SHIT WHERES MOM kicked in. Never saw momma, but we made sure to give as much space as we could. Baby bear climbed a tree and we, being in a bend of the river with towering walls on one side, hugged the wall and walked in the river in a clump yelling “hey bear” “hey momma” as we inched our way around the bend. Things got really funny later when we replayed how fast Tex turned to run when he realized it was a bear. I was laughing so hard as he was retelling it. “Save yourselves, I’m out!” I, on the other hand was really calm and reminded him not to run and clump up with us. Move slowly. Be big.
I cant get over how cute it was though. I wanted to cuddle her so badly. Make her my trail pet.
20 miles came fairly easily today. Each time we took a break clouds seemed to roll in and sitting still with wet feet isn’t all that pleasant when it starts feeling cold, so up we go. Moving right along.
Got to where I’m camped now at about 5:30 and some dark clouds rolled in so called it a day. Was originally thinking I’d eat dinner and hike for one more hour, but, all good. Setting up the tent before rain is always a win.
Still about 83 miles until my next food source and all I want to do is eat everything in my bag RIGHT NOW. I really could very easily eat the rest if my treats tonight and most everything else tomorrow. Hard to ration it out. I’m hungry! Wishing could switch a plug and my stomach could feel full off of my belly fat. That fat? Yeah. I’m ok with it going bye bye. Bye bye belly! I try to love you but I just don’t.
Day 21, tiny balls of hail
Hiked 22 miles
Woke up to itty bitty ice balls on my tent and waited for the sun to crest the cliff walls before really starting to pack up. Got walking around 830 this morning and it was another great day on the cdt. Really. It was. My mood has been great. Positive. At peace. Sunshine stayed for the little climb out of the canyon and held for a quick lunch in a beautiful field that felt like we were in Montana before moving on and making way for dark clouds and tiny balls of hail and cold wind while making our way through an wide open Mesa. Sleet turned to snow, then some sun, then some more snow as we moved on into the ponderosa pine forest. Love my rain set up. My sea to Summit poncho is absolutely beautiful. It’s bright, it fits over my pack, and helps keep me warm and dry. The combo with my light weight rain jacket is really the best. It feels like it’s actually doing something to protect me from the wet.
Cutie pie Guru was set up in the woods in the middle of nowhere with some trail magic today. Ate heaps of leftover pancakes and chips and left with a nice looking apple. Little things like that help so much. I already feel less anxious about my food because I finished dinner tonight and don’t feel the need to eat everything else due to the boost from the pancakes. It was cold so we didn’t stay and hang long, I felt bad about that, but hikers get the drive to keep going when you’re cold and have miles to make. I’m sure he understood.
Yesterday my left knee cap was getting this intense sharp pain randomly for the last mile. Today, fine. But now my left ankle feels a little off- not the actual ankle, probably more a ligament connecting to the muscle in my shin. Can’t wait to see what feels off tomorrow! Happy to announce my pubic hair follicles we’re slightly less itchy today! What a joy.
I’m in my tent burrowed in my sleeping bag as I write this with a wintery mix falling down from the sky. Temps will drop below freezing again tonight but Im happy in my little cocoon, eager to see what tomorrow brings.
Day 22, heavy legs
Hiked 21 miles
What should I say about today?
Will I want to remember that I woke to a wet tent and hiked in gnarly cold wind to start the day? Or will I want to remember helping Tex when his back seized up and he couldn’t move? He is so cute and makes me laugh. Winning combo for someone to hike around I’d say. Yeah, let’s remember that for the day.
My legs really felt heavy the second half of the day and I had to stop on every climb to catch my breath. Trying to remember that strength comes in time and that not every day will feel like a strong day. I started off thinking I’d hit 25 miles easy today but when 21 came around I didn’t care that there was still 2 hours of sunlight. I was happy to be done. It’s 730 now, the sun is setting, and I’ll probably be asleep in 30 minutes. Tex, no keys, and lone wolf are cozy in their tents tucked into the ponderosa pines nearby. It is comforting to have folks around out here.
Day 23, fart symphony
Hiked 25 miles
I woke up to the sound of no keys singing in his tent, Tex calling out “five more minutes” and lone wolf letting us know that she woke up around 530 am to a fart symphony. A fart from every tent.
They called me the navigator today as I led the charge through a ley maps alternative route. Beautiful 5 mile start to the day wandering though the ponderosa as the sun was making its way up the horizon. Dappled light. Smooth old forest service roads. Old cabins and cow ponds. We rejoined the cdt and were blessed with soft single track that playfully made its way up and over hills and into a gorgeous valley filled with silver sage. Lunch was next to a massive water tank filled with goldfish in a well-used cattle corral. The water was delicious and cold. After a leisurely lunch, we made out way another 10 miles down forest service roads at our separate paces, never too far from one another. I tapped into an audio book read by Tom hanks…his voice and cadence alone made the afternoon fly by. We got to camp and jettas water cache by 630 and I still felt spry and wasn’t experiencing any real significant pain. All in all, it really was a fabulous day on trail. Sunny, not too hot, some good laughs, and my body felt up for the challenge of the day. What a gift to wander through the woods appreciating the beauty and simplicity of it all. Where’s the next water has been the biggest concern and everything else has been falling into place. Today, I really started to feel like I was actually on trail and that this trail, the cdt, was somehow finally real.
Day 24, Davila Ranch
Hiked 16 miles
When I walk I think about things that seem big and worth recording, but then when I go to record them I realize they really aren’t very big questions – like what would it be like to look like a rock, blend in real nice, so nice no one that would want to eat you would know you’re there, but then have creatures thousands of times your size clomping around unaware of you, nearly smashing you to death as they move their way through the world? So your skill actually works against you?
I walked on a variety of dirt roads today. Some smooth and soft, some hella rocky, some so compact they feel a bit like concrete. I moved slowly for the first 10 miles today, a bit of a recovery I suppose after walking good and fast most of the day yesterday. Usually seems like a strong day is always followed by a bit of a weaker day, but I knew I was only needing to get 16 done before reaching the Davila Ranch, a cdt rest haven on beautiful rolling ranch land, so I took it easy and relaxed into a 2mph pace.
I can see muscle forming in my legs – praise the powers to be.
Sleeping at the Davila Ranch tonight. Cooked up a fine dinner of potatoes, baked beans, and a fried egg. Drank a coke. Showered. Sat. Felt the breeze.
Still been hiking around the same 3 folks. Been good vibes. So very pleased that Tex wears short shorts. I daydream about his legs while I walk. Long. Strong. Gorgeous. Yum. Yes, I objectify him a little bit I suppose. But it is a great view, can’t help it! Hopefully there will be more good views to come because this one comes with a girlfriend back home, so can’t touch those pretty legs…nope. Off limits!
After thinking about Tex’s legs for a bit, I moved onto thinking about past loves. Who would I be if those boys had said yes? Had wanted me to stay with them? I cant help but feel so incredibly grateful that they, for whatever reasons, did not want to be with me. I cant imagine who I would be had they partnered with me, loved me, married me… but I do firmly believe I wouldn’t be who I am now, and the me I am now, I truly do like. Would I have been happy? Maybe. I don’t know…I imagine I would have struggled to find ME. Maybe I would have grown to like the me I would have become with N or D or R…but that heartache took me to places that formed who I am now and I can’t say I would go back and ask for those relationships to have had a different outcome.
Day 25, this feels like trail
Hiked 14 miles
It was an easy 14 miles from Davila ranch into pie town. Started the day right with a fried egg and left over fried potatoes. Double dosed on some nescafe. My legs felt strong again, apparently a 16 mile day paired with a shower and coke did me good.
After a gentle 8 or 10 miles through new Mexico ranch land listening to the audio book the Dutch House a van slowly krept its way to the side of the road with the window down. An obvious hiker was at the wheel- he had the stickers on the van, the swag, and the beard clearly communicating his place in the world. It was thrilling to be offered a beer at 10 am on a long diet road walk by a fellow hiker just popping down for a day of magic on his one day off of the week. A budlite never tasted so good. And, he had one of the stupid sugar pies, the cherry ones, ya know? Yeah. It really hit the spot. So. Fucking. Yummy. The other 3 in my bubble strolled up, more than elated to grab a beer. Needless to say, the final miles into town were elevated and we chatted with an excited energy, the kind of energy that comes when someone suddenly pops into your life out of the blue and surprises you with a treat, just because they want to support your hike, and it’s just the treat you’ve been daydreaming about for days. It hits a spot. You can’t stay quiet and contemplative. You can’t just go back to your audio book. You wake up to the kindness and feel like a kid that just met Santa for the first time.
Now, after a ride with jetta to a store 20 min6down the road and a belly full of burger and pie, I sit in the Toaster House, listening to the banter of drunk and happy hikers and I feel filled up. This. This feels like trail.
Day 26, I ate too much
Zero 7, no miles
I’m so full. I might explode. In short:
Up at 7. Coffee and half a bagel along with some shrooms.
9am, more coffee, pecan biscuit, breakfast burrito, mini lil trip, another pecan biscuit and more coffee.
Noon. Shower (but first I scrubbed the toaster house tub and bleached everything).
One. Organize food drop. Have a whiskey. Help organize hiker resupply boxes.
Two. Nap.
Three. Smoke a little more weed than I mean to. Talk and laugh with Tex. Wander from room to room chatting with hikers.
6:00. Go to dinner at a restaurant connected to a convenience store 30 minutes away with 10 hikers and Nina, the owner of the toaster house. Eat bacon cheese burger with extra mayo. Fries. Margarita. Kentucky derby pie. Feel my stomach expanding.
And I’m back to my twin mattress on the floor of the toaster house (that does not seem to have bugs) by 8:30. 23 hikers scattered. Drunk, sleeping, or having deep talks.
Hiking out tomorrow in a big bubble of hikers, a mix of genders and equal representation from every age group 25 to 60.
Day 27, the pull to stay was strong
Hiked 16 miles
Today had all the parts that add up to a great day. Early morning coffee. Breakfast. Bags packed. Ready to go. Crack a beer. Stay a while. Hikers roll in. Jolly reunions. Crack another beer. Consider never leaving. Sit in the sun and decide the pack is too heavy. Reorganize food. Get rid of food. Look at food. Do it again. Plan. Talk shop. Talk about maybe still going. I’ll go if you go.. I’ll stay if you stay. Realize it’s time to eat again. Cook food found in the kitchen. Eat. Take a hit. Giggle. Clean up. Consider staying one final time and then strap on the pack, throw some shrooms in the mouth, and make the moves. Walking alone on the road eventually turns into 4 hikers side by side laughing. Talking. Sharing stories. Asking big questions. The sun starts to do its thing as it sets and we stop to soak it in. BAM (beauty appreciation moment). Camp. A warm welcome from TLC ranch. Water. Spaghetti. Sharing of space, home, and stories. Stars. A big dark sky filled with stars. And bed. In a cute little tent. A cute little me in a cute little tent happy as a bug in a rug.
Day 28, let the long road begin
Hiked 26 to 27 miles.
Walk walk walk on the road road road in the hot hot hot sun. Over and over and over again. One foot in front of the other. Just keep moving. Step step step step. Breath.
Two of my least favorite things met today when I did finally have a few miles of trail walking: heat and sand. I. Hate. Walking. In. Sand. In addition, a very dry stretch of trail. Needless to say, it was a bit of a struggle to stay positive. The lack of actual trail is starting to get to me a bit and I’m longing for something rolling and beautiful and easier on the feet.
When I got to the water source that was 25 miles into the day, a cow trough, I was hopeful that I’d run into Tex and maybe even Lone Wolf and No Keys. But no one was there. Filtered my water. Took a swig. Gross. Tasted like grass and cow. A cow bath. Like, pretty bad. Gag reflex bad. Seeing another solar well cow trough on the map 1.5 miles up and not knowing how long it would take for Cake and So Good to get to the water, I said well fuck it, maybe there are friends camped there and maybe the water will taste better. Well. That was a no and a no.
So now I’m camped solo on the other side of a barbed wire fence behind some bushes along a paved road that heads to Grants. There are cow bones scattered all over just outside my tent door but at least the ground is flat.
I miss trail. I miss not having to wonder where you’ll camp because you’re on a highway or a dirt road surrounded by private property. I miss the PCT. I miss my pals, my loves. I suppose I’m in a mood. I blame it on the heat and the sand.
When I got to the water and there was no one there waiting for me and I hadn’t bumped into Tex all day, I have to admit I felt sad. Out loud I reminded myself “you are a solo hiker. You do not have a partner. No one agreed to wait and you did not agree to wait for anyone either. This is not personal.” And then I repeated over and over as I walked to the next water “you are solo. You are solo. You are solo. People like you and you like people. You are likeable. You are solo. Remember when you wanted some alone time, well, ya got it today.”
Day 29, step lightly
Hiked 27 miles
A paved road. A long and sometimes interesting paved road, but mostly just a paved road that you try to step lightly on to avoid breaking your tiny little feet bones and just wish repeatedly for it to be trail.
On the one hand, I was thankful. The long miles on pavement could have been preceded by long miles on a waterless stretch of lava field AND a paved road. That’s the one perk of this trail, it’s a route and there seem to be heaps of routes to choose from in New Mexico based off of what scenery you want to see and what terrain you want to subject your body to.
So today I walked on a road. And then, after 4 miles, I took an alternate that took me up onto this beautiful rim overlooking the malpais lava field and cinder cones off to the west. Getting down back to the road 4 miles later required a 300 foot or so scramble down a steep ass rock field. There were numerous times that my best option was to sit and skoot on my butt for fear my pack weight would mess up my balance and I’d tumble down like the hundreds of rocks and boulders before me had. It was fun and interesting finding a route, but also pretty slow going. Once I hit the road again, at mile 8 and it was nearly 11am, I hit high speed and aimed for town. I was not in the mood to stealth camp on the side of a freeway again and the only nice place to camp with water would have cut my day short at 17 miles. So I walked. When the pain in my feet became too loud, I hummed to have something else to listen to. I made rhythms with my breath and moaned, but not a moan born of suffering but one that embraced the pain and moved through it. It’s the damn pavement. The soles of my feet felt so tender and the bones so fragile.
After 27 miles, I walked across an I40 overpass, popped into a gas station for a cherry coke and considered my options. Walk the final 5 miles to the motel Tex had booked or grab a ride and slack pack it later. Easy call. I grabbed a ride from a trail angel in town, Hugo.
And then, everything I could have hoped for: Chinese buffet with Chefboyardee. Beer back in the room with Tex. Chat about every single detail from the last 2 days until midnight. Bed knowing I could sleep for as long as I wanted. Bless.
Day 30, Grants
Zero 8 in grants, no miles
A day of eating and naps and time with Tex wandering the streets of Grants in search of espresso and cbd gummies. Came across a used needle on the sidewalk. Yep. Considered how each abandoned decaying motel would look rebirthed as a hostel. Laundry. Chill with Miney and Chefboyardee. Ate a lot of pizza. Lots of debating. Laughing. Solving the world’s problems.
Day 31, slackpackin nero
Walked 6 miles
Hugo swung by the hotel in his cute little Ford and drove me back to the I40 overpass so that I could walk the 6 miles into town that I bailed on to save my feet and my sanity. Hike smarter not harder I say. Felt good to stretch the legs. Without a pack you feel like a bouncing little bun bun. Cheshire Cat drove by and handed me an ice cream sandwich in exchange for a kiss on the cheek. He has been up and down the trail, usually with fruit. The ice cream was an exciting surprise!
Called mom while I walked. Talked with dad and the older niblings. Their little voices! Their giggles! I adore them. The thing I look forward to most is pj time when we all pile into bed together, snuggled up, little peas in a pod, and read…our little night time chats…Their breath slowing as they fall asleep drooped over me like seaweed on rock. Mom stated firmly on the phone today that I, meaning me, did not want to be a mother. Nope, she said, you don’t want this. I can hear you walking. You are where you should be. This has been a consistent little chat over the past year. Mom spends a weekend watching the kids and then informs me that I am way too far into a life pursuing what I love to stop it all for children. Nope. She says I’d be miserable – o I’d love my babies and be a dedicated mother, but she says I’d be miserable. The pull to the mountains and independence has spoken.
I can’t imagine a life without some form of mothering, but I can see one very clearly in which I do not reproduce. And really honestly, I’m ok with it. Never ever would have predicted I’d feel this way. Not in my wildest imagination. Hiking has changed me, changed the course of my life.
Day 32, a calm hike out
Hike 19 miles
I’m proud of the fact that I can leave town at 10:30 and still get 19 miles of hiking in by 6:00pm. 20 mile days feel like a light day now.
Hiked out on my own knowing I’d likely see the usual crew up the way. I didn’t see any hikers while I hiked today, but I did chat briefly with Mac, the fella that left a tab for us at the coffee shop (so thoughtful) and just before the one water source, Cheshire Cat. Tex and his gf that came to hike with him for the week were setting up camp by the first trough out of town, no one else in sight. I was expecting more people and didn’t want to cramp their space should they want some time to reconnect (or have loud sex), so I moved on up the road just a tiny bit after filtering some water. No Keys and Lone Wolf were set up, fast asleep in their tents or listening to audio books, not sure, but there was zero movement.
It was a calm day. First 8 walking through Grants on sidewalks wondering where I could poop. The town had such a sad feel to me. So many shuttered shops and buildings in need of bulldozing. No beating heart. The folks I did chat with in town were so very nice, maybe they have all the heart the town needs.
Next 10 miles got onto a beautifully maintained trail that climbed up the rim of the Mesa just northeast of town. Lovely expansive views from up top. And then yeah, just a gentle ribbon of dirt to follow from there. It felt nice. So much more interesting to be on a trail than a long ass road stretching miles and miles in front of you.
Day 33, first summit
Hiked 23 miles
Up and over Mt Taylor today. Killer single track. Killer good views. Elevation in combination with a cbd/thc gummie had me feeling something kinda special out there. My legs did the work and my head got to be in the trees and clouds and wind and views.
Bounced around between people today and met a new face, Fire Hazard. I like her vibe. It feels good to be around her. And she’s a quick one. Can put lanky dudes to shame.
Came across a mother and 3 kids on a stretch of trail that was a rough dirt road, looked like a Hispanic family that was in distress. Their tiny little car had bottomed out and broke down on the rocky forest service road, really in the middle of nowhere. Apparently the story goes: the driver, dad, turned off a main road onto this dirt road because he thought someone was following him. He was driving like a mad man. When the car broke down (all the oil had spilled out) he grabbed one of his kids and ran into the woods, exclaiming to his wife they were being followed. I came up on 3 other hikers already talking with the mom.
The first thing you learn as a wfr is scene size up. If the scene isn’t safe for you, even if people need help, you can’t subject yourself to it. Ypure no help if your also hurt or dead. So, fire hazard gave the women water and we hiked until we could get some messages through for help on No Keys inreach and we called 911 when we had cell service an hour later. Who knows what made this man run. Drugs? Immigration? Mental health? Did he have a weapon? It would not have been safe to make little kids walk away from their shelter (the car) into the woods either. Im really glad we got through to some help. Within 2 hours we got word that they had been located and helped and the dad,, albeit very strange and nerve racking to be around, was found and did not hurt anyone. Scary though, for the kids especially.
Day 34, tender feet
Hiked 23
If you asked the bottom of my feet, it was 30. They are so tender today which surprised me. Started off strong, almost felt like I didn’t have a pack on, I felt so free and quick. Beautiful open space. Moved into the trees and after a while, even though we had moved to single track, which on this trail feels very special, I was a little bored with the scenery. Not much to really look at until this cute little spur trail to a spring came up. That felt fun, climbing up and down into rocky canyons for ice cold water. Ate lunch tucked into the shade there with the Bennet Family and the others in my bubble. And then, about 20 miles into the day, the real pretty views came into play. I made my way off the platue while chatting with Fire Hazard. The view of the mesas and river and expansive desert was mesmerizing and our chat made the last 3 miles feel swift.
It’s Fire Hazards 31st birthday tomorrow and we are going to hike 31 miles for her big day. I like her vibe. I think we’ll be trail pals if we stay synced (she’s popping off trail for a wedding).
Day 35, 31 for 31
Fire Hazards birthday, 31 miles for 31 years
I woke to the sound of the wind having its way with our little cluster of tents around 1 am. wap wap wap! My Aggie held up fairly well in the wind so I put my headphones in and turned on my sound machine app, fell back asleep easily to some rain sounds. Woke up again around 5:30 am to even more hellacious wind and a fine coating of sand all over my everything an in my nose holes and eyelashes. The wind was not relenting, I could hardly put my contacts in, so much dirt on everything. So, by 6:45, after trying to enjoy a dusty cup of coffee, I was up and out and walking. Ready to go 31 miles for Fire Hazards 31st birthday.
The first half of the day was smooth. I felt like I was floating down the trail. The wind kept things cool and the views were gorgeous. I wove my way up and over so many mesas today I lost count.
The second half of the day was hot. Sandy. Like a beach. And up and down and up and down and there wasn’t any water for 15 miles. THIRSTY. I fantasized about ice cubes. Coke. Water. Savored every sip of water. Let it sit in my mouth, breathing its coolness, swallowing it with determination to wait at least 10 minutes for another sip. Found a smooth slab of rock in the shade and sprawled out on it to soak up its coolness.
Around 7pm, I walked to a beautiful spring with crystal clear water and chugged a liter without filtering. It. Was. Devine. Cooked up some cous cous and let my feet air out. At 8:15 I walked into the setting sun and made it to Fire Hazards camp 2.5 miles up the way in the dark without a head lamp. It was a jolly reunion at the end of a big day.
Day 36, into Cuba for lunch
Hiked 13 miles
What a lovely day! A fast 13 miles into town hiking and chatting with Fire Hazard landed us at the Cuban Cafe for lunch, where I devoured a burger and fries. Swung by the post office as we walked through the tiny main street towards our hotel and grabbed a surprise package from Chaps, making town day feel like a birthday party. The rooms weren’t ready until after 2, so we along with a handful of others plopped our bags outside of Money and Chefboyardee’s room and sat in the shade of the building to chill. Tex of course walked up with a 30 pack of coors and we all sat shooting the shit of the trail, making fun of each other, and laughing. (Tex and his gf hitched into town because the water cache was empty and with his gf being new to trail, it was too dangerous to press on another 15 miles with so little water, he’s going to slack pack the 30 miles into town tomorrow. Good to see him per usual, having him around makes me feel happy and maybe even a little horny…but that could just be the hiking. Damn he’s cute).
After the rooms opened, I washed the dirt off my legs, way too satisfying to see the dirt on the wash cloth (also I never understood the need for washcloths until hiking. I mean, you absolutely need them to get the dirt off) and then made my way to the laundry mat with another new to me hiker, Spider Monkey, and Chef. It felt Jolly. Care free. Locals waving, happy to say hi to the hikers, encouraging us with their kindness and friendliness.
The day capped with dinner at a Mexican restaurant where the service was slow but I gave no shits. Now, I’m sharing a room with my 2 new friends and I’m farting a lot. The farts are back. Great news! There is a Cinnamon roll on the fridge. The morning looks good.
Day 37, Zero in Cuba
An excellent zero day. All the things. Swung by Rebels Roost and got to catch up with Ant (Hallie), a hiker pal from pct 16, while drinking espresso. Got some new socks sent there, too. The injinji are just falling apart on this trail. Holes so easily. So I got a pair of darn tough to rotate with the injinji.
Day 38, Cuba zero, again.
Today was good, but I gotta get moving. Once again, very full. Pancakes for breakfast, snacked all day on things from the grocery store. Stuffed. Need movement. I’m excited to get going into the next section. More water, some climbs, and pretty views ahead.
The second zero came in response to Fire Hazard popping off trail. Made myself and spider monkey want to hold up a minute, not to mention every day slower for the next week gives more time for snow ahead to melt.
Day 39, legs of led
Hiked 11.4
Water, glorious water, surrounds me as I write this. If I could camp next to cascading creeks every night, I would.
Instead of packing up and hitting the trail after a coffee from the gas station next door, I packed up, then had a leisurely breakfast, felt too full, laid down a minute, and didn’t leave the room until I was forced out at 11. Wandered over to the grocery store for contact solution then to another gas station for an iced coffee and Gatorade. Ran into Spider Monkey there and we hiked out of town together. It was fun walking out of town with a buddy. Came across So Good and Cake 3 miles in crammed under a tree for shade and joined them. The uphill started after that and my pace slowed to a near crawl in my opinion. Legs of led. So heavy. So so heavy. With every step higher they felt more tied to the ground. Luckily, it was beautiful and even though I was sweating profusely, the breeze would come in to kiss my face every once and a while.
I’ve really got to stop eating like I’ll never eat again when I’m in town. I mean, I get it when I first walk in, it really does feel like I may not ever eat again and I savor every bite. But the other days in town, days with just a mile walk here and there, yeah, I don’t need to eat as if I’m starving and need to pack in calories. I’m not starving yet. It makes the day I hike out so uncomfortable because I’m so bloated from town food indulgence. I end up feeling super chubs and lethargic. Time to exercise a little self control. The dudes drop weight so fast and need to eat massive amounts in town. Me (and many other women) on the other hand, yeah I lose weight slowly on trail and really don’t need to eat the lumberjack portions.
Day 40, wet feet = freedom
Hiked 25 miles
Pines water hail mud
Even a day that throws some challenges at ya can be a good day when you’re in the right head space. Today, waking by water and near friends, had me feeling something kind of special. And the views through the trees….ahhhh. reminded me of high alpine areas I love. Meadows. Streams. Snow melt. Bird songs. Wet wet feet. I tried for about a mile to keep the feet dry. Spider monkey tried even harder and then nearly fell into a massive mud puddle. Freedom from then on out. Wet feet equals freedom.
Day 41, from rain to a fireplace
18 into abiquiu
When I think about today I’ll remember a rain that started at 8 am and didn’t let up until 2 pm and how the rain turned the earth to mud that coated your shoes, making them 5 lbs heavier. I’ll remember waking up at 5:15 am to get a head start on the day, to make the miles to ghost ranch to meet the backroads crew for picnic lunch (friends and free food!) By 1 pm, but just chatting with each other from our tents for an hour instead, not leaving camp until 7:20. I’ll remember how cute the little stream we crossed over deep in a canyon was and how good the sage in the open valley smelled. And I’ll definitely remember how good it felt to get out of my muddy clothes and shower after I hitched into abiquiu where Tex, spider Monkey, and I had splurged on a gorgeous room at the abiquiu inn. Fireplace. Living room. The softest biggest bed with the best pillows. And adorable courtyard filled with green plants and a water fountain. Lounging in a bathrobe for hours. Heavenly.
Day 42, Abiquiu Nero
Nero out of abiquiu
Hiked 6 miles
Leaving the inn was not easy. The room was so lovely and the bed was just dreamy. I had delicious pancakes at the Cafe on property while enjoying the way the light filtered through the leaves of the green trees around me. Oaks? I think they were oaks. Fire Hazard rolled into town around 11:30 and walked with us over to Bodes, a gas station meets mini mart, as I finished up my food buy. She stole spider monkey for a trip into Sante fe and Tex and I grabbed a hitch back to ghost ranch. Dark clouds were looming all around, promising to dump something soon and it looked beautiful against the red and orange mesas surrounding us. The lightning and rain kicked up pretty much as soon as we got to the welcome center, where 5 other hikers where waiting on the porch for the storm to pass. We did the same. A nice fella bought us all hot chocolates while we waited out the storm. I was hesitant to get on trail thinking we would be dealing with mud bricks for shoes again, but the trail was actually really smooth.
We climbed up the Mesa through bear canyon, the views of the rocks and moody sky and far off mountains we had traversed becoming more and more epic with each step higher. It was a good day. Yep. Definitely a good day.
Day 43, new to me hiker
Hiked 23 miles
Pretty day today. I should have written earlier when thoughts were fresh. Felt like I had big thoughts as I walked today, but now, cozy in my tent, they seem unimportant.
Camped by a lake at 10k feet, Money is standing in the middle of our tents telling loud stories, which are actually pretty entertaining. New to me hiker, Beats, is camped here, too. Damn cute. DAMN. CUTE. He made fun of me right away, hit a sore spot because I’m sensitive about being a rule follower, but he made up for it instantly.
All of the weather that has come through is dropping fresh snow on the mountains. Building snow anxiety. If I didn’t have work this September looming over me, I’d easily grab an airbnb and wait a week or two before moving further north, but making decisions doesn’t feel easy. It’s fluffy, fresh snow. We’d be snow plows in snow up to our chests. That’s not hiking.
Fun facts from today:
1. I pooped 3 times.
2. The alpine views reminded me of norcal and I missed Burrito very much
3. Saw an elk. Thought it was a bear.
4. Heard some turkeys.
5. Tripped many times but never fell!
Day 44, Big Hunk Magic
Hiked 24
The day I forgot to write because the day was great and my trail pals Big Hunk showed up in his van and we had a fire and hung out and the day ended with me being asked if I wanted company in my tent by a cute hiker boy…
Day 45, let’s go to Chama round 1!
Zero day
Woke up with a smile on my face thinking about the fun tent time with cute hiker boy the night before. How! Fun!
Yesterday was a good day, but I got distracted and didn’t write because Bug Hunk was there and there was a boy in my tent at the end of the night. He invited me into his, but ended up in mine. It was a really fun night.
My tent is hella small for 2 people and cramming two bodies in it during a thunderstorm wasn’t the best idea, even if it was just for a little while. A big puddle was forming in the foot of my tent because I pitched it half hazardly as the storm rolled in, soaking half of my sleeping bag. Good to know, though, that my bag can still keep me warm even when it gets wet!
In a room in chama right now with Chef, Tex, and Beats. Melissa is here, too. Good vibes.
Day 46, 2 million hikers
Chama round 1
Zero day
Started my period. Always good to start that in a town. #blessed.
There are 2 million hikers in town. Most are congregating by the Y motel. A few gals, but for every one gal there are 6 dudes. Beats is definitely the best looking fella in the bubble. I mean, like, wow. Model material.
Any time I meet hikers that are out here coming from a life that had no overlap with outdoorsy things like this, I’m fascinated. Beats, born in Puerto Rico, raised in New Jersey, going for his triple crown. Money, raised in San Diego, knew NOTHING about hiking…hadn’t even been camping, and he set out on the PCT. His first camping trip. Both of them not already connected to the hiking community, not running in circles where this is the norm. Would I have ever been that brave? My mom would say yes, but she thinks I’m pretty awesome. Biased.
Day 47, green and beautiful for now
Hiked 12 miles
Slowly pack up. Breakfast with some of the usual suspects. Delicious pancakes. Hitch back to trail with Beats and Chef. Cute little puppy in first hitch. Swoon. Dance party for second hitch. Laughing. Lots of laughing. Just how it should be. Back to trail with a leisurely pace through the pines and aspens. Tex and Money catch up and we break for a small lunch, boys toking up, elk running off in the distance. The trail weaves and winds through open alpine fields, making hikers ahead look like they can’t make up their mind on which direction to walk. I just cross country it most of the time. The views are calming. Green land, blue sky, slight breeze. Mountains looming in the distance, snow capped and ominous. Camp is set by a small stream. My head aches. My throat feels tender. Lymph nodes a little swollen. Sharing too many drinks? Or is it from kissing a boy? I usually feel a little off after I kiss someone new. Or maybe it’s my period. Or the elevation. We are just shy of 10k. Or maybe it’s all of it.
There’s still snow coming. There’s still anxiety around it. But for now, it’s green and beautiful and tomorrow will be green and beautiful as well.
When I was planning this hike, I wasn’t expecting to bond with many others…I thought it would be more like the azt. Less folks. I imagined I’d hike all of new Mexico in 5 weeks. I didn’t think I’d have as many zeros as I’ve had. I didn’t think I’d be making decisions about Colorado with hiking pals and tramilies in mind. I really didn’t. Now that it’s not just me, I don’t want to flip up and save CO for later. I want to keep moving north with my pals. I want to be around Tex. I want to kiss — more. I want to become better friends with Fire Hazard. I want cabins and cook outs and laughter. I want big hard days and people to share it with.
Day 48, a chill day
Hiked 19.5 miles
What a chillllll day. We knew we were only going to be hiking 19 miles to camp in a snow free zone, so we took more breaks today than any day I have on trail so far. Lots of giggling. Sunshine. Views of the mountains to come.
I struggled with the elevation today. Any time I’d try to walk at my cruisey pace my heart would start to pound out of my chest and I would get so winded. We were above 10k most the day.
I peed my pants today. Got the urge to pee. Unbuckled my hip belt, and it just started flowing. I tried so hard to make it stop. So annoying! Pee pants.
Day 49, HI Colorado! Chama round 2
Hiked 10 miles
Made it to Colorado!
With all of the reports of snow near the border, the plan was to start early to hopefully avoid serious amounts of post holing…but when you wake up at 5am and literally everything is covered in frost and ice, it’s pretty hard to convince yourself that there is any reason important enough to get you to exit your sleeping bag.
Rallied the crew and got to walkin to the border around 7:15 (or was it later?) and didn’t really have too many problems with the snow until about 2 miles from the border. The north facing part of the trail was thick with snow and blow downs…like there were just as many trees lying in disarray on the ground as there were standing, which made for post holing hell and finding “trail” useless. I eventually just looked at the topo and made my own route to the border following a creek and then climbing over a clear grassy hill instead of the madness that was the forest.
All in all, it was a good final hike in the state. After an easy hitch and some errands (gal at the hotel offered me her car!), we grabbed dinner at Local. No joke, at least 30 hikers there. Saw Shep from pct 16 and finally met Justin (pal on Instagram for years).
We dicked around with ideas on ways to fill our “waiting for the snow to melt” days and the idea of hiking the grand canyon was thrown out…hmmmmm
A series of snow melt zeros
Day 50, chama round 2, a series of snow zeros
Zero miles
The plan is to wait for the snow. I’m feeeeeeling…what am I feeling. I’m feeling like planning with other people in a group is a cluster fuck and I sometimes get this urge to break away and be alone. Or I wonder if I’m with the right people, but that’s because everyone is so different from me. I’m surrounded by people I would not normally in my line if work, in my life, be surrounded by. I usually am in this little bubble of people that think like I do. Vote like i do. Talk like I do. Don’t use the word bitch when talking about women. Here, I’m surrounded by boys that all interact with the world and people differently than I do. I’m having fun. That much is true but I wonder, would it be better if I tried to sync up with people that were more like me? If I ran into the mountains to stay close to the girls I have bonded with? Be with Fire Hazard? But she booked it. She ran into the San Juans. I want to wait a week. And Justin and this other gal from Bend, we are interested in the same social justice issues. We are from the same place. They just got here and are moving forward, too. They’re fun and playful, just like the folks I’m around right now, but they think like me, too. Is that an issue?
Maybe it’s good for me to be surrounded by people different from me. Maybe I have something to learn in loving and accepting people where they are without needing them to approach the world the way that I do, without needing everyone in my bubble to think like I do.
Maybe I’m just starting to feel anxious about group planning. This last little bit felt very group oriented and that can easily overwhelm me when I start considering other people’s needs/wants/desires and blending that in with mine.
It is a time in the hike when going completely solo isn’t a good idea. Not in the snow. So I do need friends. I think I just need to take a deep breath, know that I enjoy the company of the folks I’m hiking around, not worry about if another group if people would be “better” and just keep on walking and listening to what I need in the mix of everything that’s going on around me.
13 hours later…
I’m camped on the Arizona Trail right now with Tex, Money, Beats, and Chef. Hahahaha! Can’t believe how this all came together. Found an available suv from some tiny ass rental place in Taos. Hitched 2 hours to Taos with Chef. Drove back to Chama, picked up the boys, and now we are just outside of Flagstaff with plans to hit up REI tomorrow to replace some gear, eat a massive burrito at MartAnnes and then go to the Grand Canyon to hike! The drive was heaps of fun and I’m feeling settled into the moment. Content. Excited. Thrilled to be filling the waiting days with something like this.
Day 51, Grand Canyon Zero
Grand canyon zero
Popped into Flagstaff today. Ate at MartAnnes, yum, and then hit up the gear shops in town. Coffee. A few “wow we’re really doin this, damn I like flagstaffs” and then off to the GC back country ranger station for information about permits. Seems like I never have time to wait a few days for a permit in the canyon, so, tomorrow we’re off to do what I’ve done before, but this time instead of continuing in one direction after I hit the rim, we will hike rim to rim, sleep, and repeat. We will be tired. No doubt about it. But my pack will be lighter than other times, so that should make a bit of a difference.
I’m excited.
This time away from trail has gotten me all the more excited about hiking in the San Juan’s. The snow is doing what I hoped it would…melting! There are even bits at 12k feet with out snow now.
Day 52, south rim to north rim
22 side trail miles.
I mean, the views and the joy we all had on our faces while we experienced said views, were incredible.
Woke up at 5, had a quick little snuggle snuggle time, and then we were all off for the canyon by 530. Grabbed a shuttle to the trail head, timing was perfect, and headed down to the Colorado River via the south Kaibab trail. Heaps of pictures and breaks taken along the way. Played in the river some. Cold, but delicious. Lunch at the ranch with a cold lemonade. Shit felt harder after lunch. I really don’t think the cdt has prepped me thus far for climbing. New Mexico has been relatively flat. Maybe that’s why I’m still chubs.
I’m exhausted. Will write more tomorrow…unless I’m exhausted then, too!
Day 53, north rim to south rim
Hiked 20ish miles
North rim to South rim
Except, I didn’t quite make it to the south rim. Instead, I cowboy camped in a cute little thicket next to a stream, saving the final 5 miles out of the canyon for the morning. Beats was behind me on the climb out, his body losing steam due to lack of calories and the intense heat fucking with his energy. When dark fell and he didn’t catch up to me at a break spot after an hour and a half, I got a little worried and back tracked to find him.. he’s a strong hiker so for him not to show up made me think he could be seriously hurt (the heat was taking people out all day. Lots of evacs). When I found him camped, alive and well, just drained of energy, I opted to stick with him rather than hike out alone. I’ve done it alone and I’d rather be with a pal!
Day 54, crawl out of the canyon
Finish South rim climb, 6 miles, drive to chama
The days have been so full and fun I just haven’t had it in me to write before I fall asleep. Nothing on the cdt has beat me up like the grand canyon has! Damn, that rim to rim stuff just does not get easy! I was more acclimated to high elevation, but, that didn’t mean I could hike the final 2 miles to the rims without huffing and puffing.
There’s so much I could say about the experience, but I’ll keep it simple.
The canyon was an oven. I would sit fully clothed in any stream I could get into.
The child-like giddiness we all pulled out of each other when we were hiking into the canyon each day and playing in the Colorado was EXACTLY the type of playfulness I crave in my life on a regular basis.
I’m going to grow older. I’m going to get droopy and movement might not be something that comes easily, but I hope to God that I remember the importance of silliness. What’s the point of growing old if you can’t hold onto that sort of youthfulness? If you forget how to play? Maybe that’s why people like having kids. They live vicariously through their wonder and spirit.
Day 55, chama round 3.
Day 55
In chama. Zero day.
Feels like a home base now.
Had a great night’s sleep in a cozy bed at Cumbres Suites. Laundry. Post office. Errands. The rental is going to need to be returned. Ugh. I just want to rest and not be in a car. But I’ll save that for tomorrow morning.
The rest of the day was uneventful. Lots of chores and organizing, chats and a nap at one point. I was in a bit of a funk, thinking about romantic love and how I seem to always have a thing for the fellas that can’t love me the way that I’d like to be loved. Attraction is a strange thing. Fortunately, I’m going to be in the mountains soon, and it is hard to dwell on topics that make me feel sad feels when I’m surrounded by so much beauty.
Day 56, Chama FOR THE LAST TIME!
yet another ZERO.
In chama FOR THE LAST TIME!
Beats was waiting on snow shoes and I needed to deliver the car and Tex had a sore knee…so that turned into one more night in Chama. Returned the car to Taos without issue and secured a ride with a local driver. Cheffy came along and kept me company. A dear. 4ish hours later I was back in Chama eating at Local with the crew plus a few others planning to hike out tomorrow as well.
There are lots of feels bouncing around in my little ‘ol heart and head. The mountains. They give me feels. Feelings of excitement and also fear. What if the elevation makes me sick? What if I have to bail to lower ground and no-one else does? How would that feel? Will I feel like a failure? Weak? Will the snowy passes be more than I can handle? Am I ready for this?
I have feelings about my body, too. This happens so often I’m not surprised. It’s hard being surrounded by guys and hearing them talk about girls they’re into, what they like about their bodies, as if you’re one of the dudes. It can be entertaining to hear things unfiltered from a straight dude’s perspective, but, honestly, it also fucks with my head, with my feels, makes me wonder how I’m seen. They say these things in front of me so easily because I’m not the one they’re talking about. They say these things in front of me because I’m “one of the guys” or “the old mom figure” on trail. I’m the girl that will say anything and so they follow suit. I’m unfiltered and speak my mind, so do they. Sometimes I want to just be the cute girl friend, not another bro. Sometimes I want them to realize when every “hot” girl they are pointing out is the size of my thigh, that it’s hard for me not to internalize it and walk away with a narrative that says “size of thigh, hot. Size of me, not.”
Table of Contents
Loved reading all about your cdt adventures while my littles napped today. Wish I could be in New Mexico hiking with you!
Thanks Trisha! 😊
LIndsey, where are you? What happened? Laurie (BR trip Tucson Mar 21)